The Past

I've always been told to never dwell in the past. To learn to forget the past, live the present, and prepare for the future. I've always been told to learn to completely let go and move on with my life. To never look back and just keep on moving forward. To burn the bridges behind me and leave myself no other path but the one in front of me.

But I was too hard-headed…too stubborn to take the advices. I always retreated in my past with the comfort and security it brought me. I always relived the memories in my mind even if I knew that it won't be healthy. I always held on to something and refused to let go.

So before I knew it, I was already stuck. Worse, the past I've been dwelling on was the one I tried so hard to be released of. The one I wished never really happened. The one I hoped and prayed to forget.

I've been a prisoner of my painful past for too long now. As much as I tried to forget, I just couldn't. It haunted me as if everything happened just yesterday. I feel pathetic…and stupid to have let this happen to myself. I'm just so tired already. But every time I thought that I have finally learned to let go and move on with my life, I find myself falling…and stumbling back to where I started.

I don't want to go on like this forever. I don’t know how long I could still hang on. I don't know how much of this I could still endure. But I'm not giving up no matter what people say. I brought myself into this. If there's a way in, there's got to be a way out! And I'm going to find my way out of here…no matter what it takes.

Someday, I would also learn to forget. Someday, I would be able to go through my life without ever looking back. Someday…

But for now, I'll just have to figure out how.